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Santa Claus – The Ultimate Stalker

Ariana King, Photo Editor

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Santa – The Ultimate Stalker

Don’t lie. We all know the song. “He sees you when you are sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you have been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.” This song is much like other happy children songs that are secretly scary; for example, Ring Around the Rosie. People think that because it is sung in a happy way, then it is a joyful song. However, Santa Claus is about an old, creepy man stalking children. The only good thing about him is that he brings presents to children, but let’s talk about all the flaws of Santa Claus.

How in the world does Santa fit his huge body down the chimneys of billions of people? Think about it. And what if there was fire going on in the fireplace? What would he do then? Not so smooth anymore there, Santa Claus. All those cookies have got to go somewhere. As you age, food does not go where you want it to go anymore. Obviously, from the pictures we have seen, he is not exactly skinny. Ask yourself: How do people even know what he looks like if he has never been seen?

Let’s talk about how he is able to visit 7,584,589,900+ people in one night. It is understandable that he is “magical” but even the magical creatures we have come to see in the movies have made some sort of sense. For example, vampires. It makes sense. There are obviously different perspectives to how vampires exist, but we all get the general idea. If Santa has enough time for him to say “ho, ho, ho,” then how is it possible for him to make it to every single house in one night.

Another strange thing about Santa Claus is that he used to age. He used to be a baby, child, adult, then elder, but then he just stopped aging. He continues to be a senior citizen of society. How does he continue to stay that age forever? Maybe if there were more answers about Santa Claus, then children would believe for longer. Maybe parents should not even tell their children about him because, let’s be honest, it is the most heartbreaking thing to see an adolescent cry over Santa or the Easter Bunny or even the Elf on the Shelf not being real. There are just too many questions to ask when it comes to Santa Claus. Is he even worth it?

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